God is a public servant.

Do you have a lawyer to advocate on your behalf?

No, sir, I speak for myself. I don’t know anyone here.

Fine. You may do so.

“Did you create them?” the judge asked the ‘God’ pointing at the human beings. God, standing in his stand, looking very worried replied in a low voice, “yes your honor, but it was not a deliberate mistake, and I am not intending to make the same mistake again. It was just an experiment that went wrong. What ever I did was for the betterment and nothing else.”

The judge with a smirk “I understand that you don’t intend to create them again as there’s no need. They are capable of duplicating themselves on their own. Do you have any witness to produce on the courts to prove your 1^st point, i.e. you claiming the act in question as not a deliberate act?”

God, even more worried and with tears filled to the rim of his eyes, “I never thought I needed a witness for my experiments.”

The public prosecutor is called upon to present his case.

A human being for sure he is, with all the qualities of his species, walks tall to the centre and with a voice that could be heard to miles without a microphone goes “your honor, the accused, as I have already mentioned in the petition, did an atrocious, selfish act which had no base of interest in the world nor commonsense. It was purely an act to fulfill the accused self interests, the mere urge to prove an experiment, has now grown into the complicated unsolvable problem as we see it now. Therefore I ask your honor to punish him with a life sentence by which he will be restrained from further outrageous experiments and also make him realize the depth of his act. I rest my case here.

The Judge after a brief silence, wears his glasses and reads out from a piece of paper:

“since the accused has no witnesses to prove his case, and since the damage caused by his acts are obvious to everyone, I see a strong need to restrict the accused from further such deeds as punishment and precaution. I condemn the accused to life time rigorous public service. I further instruct the officials not to allow release on the basis of good conduct or even ill health. It is in the best interest of the world. Public should be allowed to view the accused at any time. This is to create awareness among the public not to engage any such experiment in the future. Since the witness has no relatives or friends in the world, interested charities or individuals should be permitted to support his basic needs, food, clothing and shelter. I want to say that I pray that this is the first and last time in the world court an accused is let to be punished by the out come of his own crime. May it be a good lesson for any so called ‘Gods and saviors of the world’ who wish to prove their points to the world. ”

“Dismiss”

Court adjourns.

This is how ‘God’ ended up in temples, churches, monuments and even trees. God is still serving man kind and is a public servant, only unpaid.

Relief and Reflection ..............

The Flag

It was all like a bad dream
Of yeater years
One fine morning
Peace has arrived

Peace has arrived
So we are told
So we believe
So we behave

The flag on the light post
One side still tangled
No one notices
As the smoke from the crackers
Blinds the eyes

inspired by a photograph by a SriLankan blogger whoes name unknown

Top 10 reasons why my life is so full and fine :)

Reason 1: I have a life.

Reason 2: I have been living it for the past 25 yrs.
So, eventually I have become quite an expert in living my life; Living it with my whole heart.

Reason 3: There are four other people whom I call my family; my father, mother and two sisters.
Never too indifferent or too curious about my life and for some weird reason, they have been interested and been part of every inch of my life. They have been my morning cup of tea, the breakfast news paper, the evening walk and the midnight stars and they always left the afternoons to me. They knew when I needed them; they knew when to keep away.

Reason 4: I happen to bump in to the most interesting and fascinating job assignments.
The numerous number of projects I’ve worked in, all of them different and yet the same. My colleagues, those familiar friendly faces that greet me with cheerful hellos when I enter the office at quarter to 10 on most mornings. The offices and its people, they have been tolerating me like nothing. Bless them all.

Reason 5: My cousins, uncles, aunts and their homes.
When ever I need a break from home, when ever I need a different environment, when ever I want to feel at home and yet don’t want to be home, I can always go camp at one of these places.

Reason 6: My friends.
Some of them I met in a cool white building when all of us used to wear white frocks, socks and shoes and carried books in a bag, lunch in a box and pencils in cases. Some others I met on the street, in other buildings, offices, classes etc. etc. Another group I call them my chat friends, some of whom I have never met in person. They are always there. They are always there to listen to me, to talk to me, to reply to my emails, to flood my email inbox with a million chain mails and never expect me to reply to a single one of them. They greet me on my birthdays sharp at midnight. We talk, and a lot. We chat, and L-O-T.

Reason 7: SriLanka is a paradise.
You can take my word without second thoughts. Hot, humid, humanized Colombo, sun burnt Southern cost, chilled Hill Country, salty Northern cost, lagooned Eastern cost, ancient North central, crafty Sabragamuwa…………….
People so colorful, very noisy, always late, with smiles and eyes that smile.
I never get tired of this place.

Reason 8: Little luxuries of life.
24/7 internet, Dialog mobile with my friends and family list full and over flowing, Eagle CD shop with all latest movies (some camera copies sure have tried to ruin my evenings, but who cares, after all I pay only 60), Barefoot, MC, ODEL and the likes,100, 101, 155, 154, 138 and the rest, the rickety criss-crossing three wheelers and the friendly three wheeler guys who always want more, Sunday Observer, NDTV, a million reality televisions, the restaurants, the super markets, the rotti kadeis, the road side fruit shops, the 2729729, the 688688 and the 588588, the mee kiri uncle at my door step every weekend and many more.

Reason 9: Tea and chili. Both very hot.

Reason 10: The exciting future.
Every morning when I wake up and walk up to grab my tooth brush, I have no clue what the day is going to be like. This clueless-ness is bliss.

It is not all over

I just finished reading this post, from a blog I follow. I was attempting to write my feelings about this whole ‘it is all over’ scenario since the day they showed the remains of Prabakaran on TV; could not pool up the mood for it till a minute ago. It is a time of confused emotions. I am happy, I am sad, worried, anxious, feel betrayed etc. Am I happier than being sad? Am I more hopeful than being anxious? I am clearly, positively happy about the victory over terrorism which was born just before me and has lasted through out my life till they showed him dead on TV last weak. (Does it still survive in a corner? Will it take root in a different form? I’m in no moods to give these a thought. That could be my next post.) It is pretty disturbing to see him and his colleagues, many I assume truly believed in their leader and are way too young to die like this, on TV again and again. Very saddening to hear about the ever growing numbers on the lives lost tally; Heartening to hear the president ensuring ‘One Nation One People’ with guaranteed dignity to all minorities; Disheartening to learn that the Elam notion still lives in some Tamils and there is wee bit of possibility for all this chaos to strike again; Very annoying to see some Sinhala siblings still struggling to distinguish Tamils from LTTE. I am in a hurry to see that ‘One Nation One People’. I don’t see it yet. Since the time I remember, there was war; there was violence; deaths and grudges. I am sick and tired of all these. But, beyond all these, the one question that is ringing inside my little head is WHAT IS NEXT?

So what’s next?
Celebrations going on, fine. A9 is been cleared, great. Talks of Yal Devi are once again brought in to discussions; it was on news before and later disappeared. What is next? The question still remains valid and so is the problem. Problem in the sense, on which name it all started, on which name we lost so many lives, that problem still remains unsolved. None of the political leaders have so far presented a practical ‘step forward’ to solve the real problem. A9 is surely going to be an important player in linking the South with the North. It can only achieve that and nothing more. Yal Devi will bring back memories, pleasant memories of once upon a time co existence in my Father and his contemporaries. What about my generation who were born and brought up at a time of war? What is to be done with the remnants of the Elam notion that is left hurt and wounded and still haunting some Tamils? How do we deal with the Sinhala Only and recently budded Sinhala Buddhist notions, which flames are burning quite high at the moment fueled by the recent updates? May be, we didn’t have any issues with each other before the LTTE times. At least we didn’t have THIS many problems. I don’t think it is time to go digging in to the history books. Obvious cracks have been made during the course of the war and the cracks need to be mended and fixed ASAP. More sensitive time has arrived.

Let’s accept the fact that not all of us SriLankans are happy at the moment. There are concerned citizens. There are fears in some of our minds. These concerns and fears surely have reasons. It is fair by a people who have lived through more than two decades of war to have concerns about their future. These concerns and fears should be first accepted and then attended to.

So many of us are struggling with our memories. True life experiences have left life long memories in us, and many are not very pleasant. One of the worst feelings in life could be to see someone devaluing our life experiences and misinterpreting our memories to be something else other than what we think of them.
I can to some extend, if I tried, understand what a Sinhalese mother goes through when she remembers her little son who lost his life in an LTTE suicide attack. It would be pretty much the same with a Tamil mother who remembers her daughter who was killed in a government military air strike. They have lost their only hope. They have lost it in the name of something which they never wanted or were part of. I think it is fair by them to be angry at ‘the other group’ and wanting to ‘give it back’. These feelings are 1st to be understood and then accepted.

Once I feel that I am understood and accepted, I’m ready to understand and accept the other. When my feelings are hurt and devalued, I don’t care about the other person. We are all humans after all aren’t we?

The politicians failed to ‘talk things over’ and solve problems. May be it is time we take over. A heart that is ready, a mind that is open with a resolve to see change, not to forget ‘language’, our sister languages I mean (It is important to note that there is a school of argument that points fingers at the language issue for being the main cause of the war), with all these ‘One SriLanka’ is not very far. It is not all over, it has just begun.

Let me now go and add a few words to my Sinhala vocabulary.

The Memory Game

Memories live as long as you remember. Memories keep you alive; memories kill you. Memories are sweet; memories are bitter. Memories are lullabies and insomnia. You remember to forget and forget to remember. This whole memory business is a highly complicated dizzying roller coaster.

I remember memorizing a numerous things since the day I remember and now I don’t remember even half of the million things I memorized. I remember my 3rd birthday well. At least I remember the ‘I am 3’ pin I wore on my white shirt that day. I remember how it hurt when I got one of my ankles in my father’s bicycle, I remember going to the doctor, I remember her house, I remember her pair of scissors but I don’t remember the doctor except that the doctor was a woman. You’ll never know what to remember and what to forget. You remember everything you try hard to forget but you easily forget your friend’s birthday!!!!!!! That is funny isn’t it?

Scientists believe memories get stored in the brain. I bet they are wrong. My belief is memories are stored in the heart. That is why “Oh noooooo, I have his Name in my throat, but can’t get it out shaaaaa!!!!!!!” happens. Memories are stored in the heart and they travel from there via the throat to your tongue. Get it?
May be the scientists are right and I am wrong. Forget about that. Remember this, memories live as long as you remember.

“Will SriLankans remember to forget?” I read this somewhere on a news paper article. ‘A million dollar question’ I thought then. Some of you have guessed it right, the article was about the ethnic conflict and war in SriLanka; looking forward to the next step, i.e. the period of reconciliation after it is all over.
Are we going to forget the past and start all new? Are we going to re live the struggle and turmoil by carrying our bitter memories forever?

Is it fair to forget? Does it help if we remembered?

It is not fair for all the lives lost if we forget; it is not fair for the new generations to come if we remembered. Memories may help in validating the meaning of our past; memories may keep us wrapped up in our past and never get us out forever.

As I said in the beginning, this whole memory game is complicated. I never seem to have the clue to win, or even to loose. I am not even sure where the memories are stored to start with.

Majority complex
is there such a thing?

Minority complex is something that is always tag along with my kind of people. I very well know what it is and what it feels like, being a Tamil from Jaffna. Suspicious looks; piercing questions; tearing comments. More than anything, something that makes me feel so so smaller than a mustard seed and incapable of even an act like moving the same mustard seed, is the over flowing, readily given, effortlessly shown sympathy. It is the ‘Aney Poor little darling’ thing. But there are blessings in disguise. Some of my experiences with the majority community assured that there are blessings in disguise for sure.

“Could you hear the sound of Anuradhapura blast?” A colleague of mine asked me over the phone while I was on field trip in Batticaloa. I tried my best not to sound annoyed at her over flowing knowledge on SriLankan geography and explained to her that AP was very far from Batticaloa and there was no possibility I could hear it. “Even we couldn’t hear it” she said and fired her next question with so much love and concern on her tone “are you going to visit your father this time?” I couldn’t get her, so asked her what she was talking about. “No, you are in a Tamil area no, North and East no, so I thought good chance for you to go and see your father.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need little bit of history here before I could continue further.
My father lives in Jaffna and I haven’t visited him in ages. I was missing him terribly and was sharing it with this colleague of mine just a day before I left for Batticaloa and the Anuradhapura blast that killed an ex military general and his wife. You might want to have a look at a SriLankan map for the locations of Jaffna, Colombo, Anuradhapura and Batticaloa.

This was not the first time Jaffna got shifted from its location on the map. I got tired of explaining to my class mates who would ask me every time they saw me on a weekend class “Are you coming straight from Jaffna?” as if Jaffna is right next to Fort railway station. I am so happy that the course I was doing is finally over for this matter.Further info for confused readers:1. Fort railway station is the central train station in Colombo.2. Jaffna got cut off from rest of the SriLanka for more than 20 years. The last train that entered Jaffna or left from Jaffna was in 1989. Rail tracks had been removed and the materials were used in construction of LTTE buildings. Even the road that connected Jaffna peninsula to the main land had been closed for many years, but got reopened after the cease fire agreement in 2002. It took at least 12 hours to reach Jaffna in buses (had to change 5-6 busses); in addition there were security checks of govt. military and the LTTE, military security clearance, LTTE entry pass and so many other things to be taken care of. The A9 road was only opened at six in the morning and was closed at 6 in the evening, so the journey actually took two days. There was no way I could show up in class at 8 in the morning fresh as a flower ;) not humanly possible.

A couple of years ago in another incident, a fellow SriLankan citizen made me ask myself “Rakshi, are you sure you are SriLankan?”I was waiting out side the Indian Embassy on Galle road for my sister who went in to collect her Indian student visa. There were so many other sisters, brothers, friends and parents waiting for more students to emerge from the visa office gate. An aunt walked up to me and smiled. She looked to me as if she was bored and was looking for someone to talk. I pushed the book I was reading in my bag and smiled back at her. We exchanged hellos and exchanged names and courses and universities of my sister with her daughter’s. “Where are you from?” I said “Jaffna”. “That is why your sister got scholarship. It is very difficult for SriLankans to get Indian scholarships you know”. I thought she didn’t hear me saying I was from Jaffna and repeated it for her. “You are Tamil?” I nodded my head. “That is what I am saying darling. For SriLankans, they don’t easily give scholarships. They would anyways give preference to their people no”; she sounded very sure and confident about what she was talking. I really had to ask my self, “are you sure you are SriLankan? May be my parents were lying about Jaffna being part of SriLanka”. I have had long and irritating arguments with my Indian friends defending my SriLankan identity and trying to establish the fact that being Tamil and being SriLankan at the same time is not a mission impossible. But now, I didn’t feel like explaining anything to her. It was too annoying and irritating to cook up the effort for anything at all.

Strange enough, all the people I have spoken about in the above three incidents (amongst many other similar ones) are form the majority community i.e. Sinhalaese. I am forced to break SriLanka into majority and minority as for the demands of this post’s subject. The majority Sinhala speaking population of SriLanka has more access to information, any information that is available in this country. No one can deny it. Sinhala being the most spoken language is not the only reason, many sources of information themselves, be it public or private are Sinhala medium sources. Especially Colombo and the districts around it have the best access to information and the technologies that facilitate information sharing. But it looks to me that many of my Sinhala friends never care to learn about what is going around them and update themselves on the current events of SriLanka or the international arena per say. They are particularly very indifferent to events and information that involves the North and East and war and terrorism, as if these will only have the least impact on their lives. Yes right. It is in a way true. It is the Tamil speaking SriLankan population that is affected by every single bullet that is been fired from any riffle, be it LTTE’s or the govt. military’s.This sheer factor has kept the Tamils at their feet, always updated on security information. Tamils in North and East, though had been cut off from modern technology and the world news, still prove to have better knowledge about where each district sits on the SriLankan map. Being the minority and being a species of people who were always looked upon with suspicious eyes where ever they are, where ever they go, have made the Tamils to be awake all the time and to gather some general knowledge when ever and where ever possible. Constant vulnerability has demanded great amount of common sense and presence of mind from us as a minority group of people. We were, in Jaffna, burning lamps on a thin layer of coconut oil that floated on a bottle of water as there was very little or no supply of oil coming into the peninsula, while the rest of the nation burnt tires on streets protesting against a few rupees increase in oil prices. The fear of being out of place or being the odd person out has made us master all the places and situations. You see more bilinguals in the minority communities than the majority community.
To see it through a harsh metaphor, it is the deer being chased that should have more presence of mind and not the tiger that is chasing the deer. A blessing in disguise!!!!!